I am so grateful I made it. Support Bill C-218.

The following letter was sent to us with permission to share it.

Bill C-218 will go to a vote on October 7. Call your Member of Parliament today (Read).

My name is Carling Rygielski. I am 30 years old, happily married, and a mother to two beautiful children. If you had asked me when I was a teenager where I would be at 30, I would have probably answered that I wouldn’t make it to 30.

I suffered from major depressive disorder, OCD, PTSD (albeit undiagnosed until my early twenties) since I was about 14. During those years, I frequently engaged in acts of self-harm. Though I didn’t have the words to explain it at the time, it is very clear to me now why I hurt myself as a child.  

I was so scared of dying. I thought about it all of the time; it was the only way to escape the pain of the reality I was living in. In some very strange way, seeing my body heal from an injury told me: I am healing; something inside of me is working to care for my body. 

By the time I was 20, I truly felt suicidal ideation was going to be a lifelong battle. Every day was agony. I knew I needed critical care when I was speaking to a friend; I heard myself audibly share a thought pattern that had become so normal for me: “Every time I enter a room, the first thing my brain does is figure out how I could kill myself in that room. It's like a safety blanket that I have an escape route.” 

I am incredibly grateful for the support of my parents, therapists, and doctors who supported me during this time to find the care I needed to reclaim my life. At the age of 21, after years of trying everything else, I decided to try medication.

It saved my life.

Of course, there were still speed bumps and moments that, at the time, felt they would be never-ending. Times where there was no light at the end of the tunnel. But then there was a new day.

I never attempted suicide because of my family.

I never attempted suicide because I was scared.

I never attempted suicide because when I went to my doctor to share the battle I had been facing for 7 years, she didn’t tell me I had an option to assisted suicide. In all the conversations we had, all of the time we spent looking for solutions, MAiD was never one of them. 

I write this to implore you; please, stand up for our children.

There is always a light.

Every morning I wake up, I see my beautiful children. How the morning light covers them, with their sleepy eyes. I hear the sounds of the world around me. I have my coffee. I am so grateful for this life. However mundane or extraordinary, I am so grateful I made it.

Please help to fight the good fight. Vote to pass Bill C-218.

Sincerely, 
Carling Rygielski