.png)
One shift I worked with a patient named Laura who was scheduled to be euthanized later that day. Laura had a terminal metastatic breast cancer diagnosis, but with no exceptionally challenging symptoms that I could observe. However, she told me she was tired of living, and the thought of living longer scared her more than dying. Laura had picked out music to play in the background while she died, and had chosen which loved ones she wanted by her side. It was planned for 6 pm. She was alert and oriented, and had signed a waiver saying that if for whatever reason she was no longer judged to be of sound mind at the time of the MAID provision, she could be euthanized anyways. She thought she had complete control. Just a few hours before 6 pm Laura had a completely unexpected grand mal seizure. She wouldn't stop seizing and required large doses of a sedating anticonvulsant. The time of the provision came, and she was confused and groggy from the sedating medication, and unable to properly confirm she wanted the euthanasia, or say goodbye to her family members. She tried to speak but no one could understand what she was saying. Laura was euthanized at 6 pm, according to the waiver she had signed. This was what she had requested, but the family came out of her room shaking, with eyes wide. They cried, and kept saying it should have never happened that way. They had no closure. There was no dignified, peaceful ending. Just their loved one, killed in the middle of trying to say something.
This was a horrible death. If Laura had chosen to die naturally, maybe she would have lived two more weeks. Maybe she would've needed more sedatives, and spent more time sleeping. But we would've kept her comfortable. Her family could've been by her side and treasured any awake moments and words she had to give. As her nurse I would've battled any restlessness, worked to prevent any seizures, noticed a furrowed brow and given pain medication. I could've explained the dying process to Laura's family, spoken about the changes we were seeing in breathing, in circulation, and slowly walked alongside them in their grief as she grew closer to death. Instead her death was sudden, and traumatic, and the family went home right after without anyone to support them through the process.
It wasn't just the family traumatized by this death. For every MAID provision, a nurse is in the room, along with the MAID provider injecting the lethal medication. As a conscientious objector to euthanasia, I did not have to be in the room as it happened. Instead, my coworker volunteered. After Laura's life was ended, this coworker sped out of the room shaking and crying, distressed in a way no natural death of a patient has ever affected her. I know multiple other nurses who have been through the same experience. Although they had no religious or moral objections to MAID, after witnessing it first hand they swore to never be in the room again while it happened. They were deeply unsettled, and their conscience told them what they couldn't admit to themselves: the intentional ending of a life is wrong, no matter the circumstances.
The ripple effects of Laura being euthanized carried on, beyond her family, beyond the staff, to other patients on the palliative unit. Mark, who had the unfortunate position of a bed in the hallway, expressed to me, "I saw something today that I am not okay with, and I just have to bring it up". Mark carried on to tell me he saw Laura go by in her wheelchair, talking with a visitor as she went into her room. Later, Mark observed staff and family members going in, and then witnessed the family coming out weeping. He reported seeing a stretcher leave the room, with a black cover overtop, and realized Laura had died. Mark watched her family crying, and it brought up memories of his own wife dying. He was horrified that one moment Laura was up and talking, and the next she had died. He admitted to feeling scared he would die suddenly, too. I hadn't said a word about Laura due to confidentiality, but as a patient in the hallway Mark was able to observe and hear a lot of things. He and Laura were both mobile, and over the past few days they had spoken in the patient lounge on occasion. Her death brought up many complex emotions and distress for Mark, and I felt torn on how to support him.
For myself, Laura's death was exceptionally hard to deal with. Before she died, it was difficult to interact with her in a normal way. I kept watching the clock, and counting down the days, hours and minutes till her scheduled death. I had an awkward moment of bringing in the scheduled laxative she got each morning along with her other medications, to which she responded, "really? I'm dying today, does it matter if I'm constipated?". Every interaction I had with her I felt the weight of her impending death, I wanted to scream out "don't do it! Your life has value!". But instead I bit my tongue and supported her, and then went home morally distressed, wondering if I had spoken my mind, would it have made a difference? I wanted to rip up the waiver she had signed, and plead with the doctor injecting her lethal dose not to do it. After she died and my shift was over, I went home feeling profoundly sad, and helpless at how the situation played out.
The goal of palliative care is to alleviate suffering and support patients and families until natural death, neither hastening nor prolonging death. I am upset that in Laura’s case, we had to betray our own philosophy. When euthanasia was first legalized in Canada, palliative units and hospices were exempt from having to provide MAID on site, for good reason. The whole unit feels the impact when death is chosen before it’s time. Perhaps for staff who see natural death on a regular basis, we feel the impact even more than others. We see the contrast, we know a natural death doesn’t have to be scary or painful. If a patient like Laura has a grand mal seizure, we are skilled at adapting to changing circumstances to keep her comfortable. Letting death happen at its natural hour gives families the chance to bond, and soak in every last moment loved ones have to give. Patients may think that choosing MAID relieves their family of the burden of waiting for their death, or seeing suffering. But in reality it steals time and closure, and replaces a natural process with an unsettling ending. From what I have seen, loved ones of euthanized patients appear to struggle more in their grief than loved ones of patients who die naturally.
A story like Laura’s showcases a reality of euthanasia not often spoken about. And even though this was just one example, it is not an isolated incident. There are many more stories I could’ve shared, and the impacts of euthanasia are felt far and wide with each and every case - even the ones that go as planned. My hope in telling this story is that eyes will be opened to the horrifying reality of euthanasia, and perhaps hearts and minds will be changed as well. I am a palliative care nurse, and this is my side of the story.
19 comments:
This is a powerful testimony. This should be read by all family members as well as any patient contemplating euthanasia.
Thank you Laura for sharing your experience. May it move many hearts and minds to acknowledge God as the author of life.
I have always wondered why the term “death with dignity” is used to mean the death of a dog — the kind of death given to a pet in the veterinarian’s office. Christian ethicist Paul Ramsey wrote that the process of death (like birth) is inherently undignified. What dignifies the death/birth of a human being is the hope of the life to come, and the compassion and honor we offer to the living person going through that process.
Thank you for sharing your experience. May it move many hearts and minds to acknowledge the true author of life.
Thank you for sharing your experience. May it move many hearts and minds to acknowledge God as the true author of life.
Thank you for posting this. I am sorry you had to go through this horror.
Thank you for your candour
Thank you for your testimony. It is so important that everyone reads it, including our law makers who promote MAID in the false allusion that they are providing health care to Canadians.
Laws can be made and they can be repealed.
I too was an RN who had a patient murdered by MAiD. Although the patient should have been assessed as palliative and not kept on our surgical ward, the surgeon kept telling her that surgery was possible at some point. The patient, who I will just call Dolly, had been introduced to MAiD at some point during her stay. (I never knew who had done it). She dithered back and forth for months, but finally one day she had decided she'd had enough and as she had previously signed all the papers, she confirmed that she wanted to go ahead. (I had been looking after her for all that time) I too was unable to are for her in away I would have preferred. I could not tell her that I believed it was wrong. That she should just go to a palliative ward instead, and take the time to make her goodbyes without pressure. As it was, her sister and brother in law had to be given permission to say goodbye, as this happened during the pandemic lockdowns. I refused to assist at this travesty. A young nurse volunteered instead, she said she had no problems with it. Our nurse manager came along some time later to hand out Starbucks gift cards because of our distress over this. (Because that really helps in a situation like that). That night I had to go home and tell my husband that his cardiologist had been the doctor who administered the death drugs. Not ethical I know, but I couldn't stand it anymore. Ever since MAiD was introduced to our hospital I had heard that only one ward would be the MAiD ward, but it spread out to everywhere. And I heard about all the nurses who needed counselling afterwards. My husband called the doctor's office the next day, and said he no longer wanted to be seen by him. Called him Dr Death. I retired that month.
Good girl, Anonymous. The world is wacky, evil on every side. Thank God there are people like you and your husband who refuse to partivipate in the Satanic madness. In the end Love and Goodness will prevail, for He has said so. May He rescue those who so foolishly choose the other way.
I don't care about this hospice nurse's or any hospice healthcare provider's feelings or observations. If this author feels so morally conflicted, then start speaking out and advocate to stop euthanasia! It's murder.
I watched in anger and outrage as my beloved mother was lied to by a hospital palliative care MD's and a social worker. Selling her the lies of "comfort care." My mother was not in an active state of dying when she was admitted to a hospice. She was in shock and emotionally fragile. The hospice was and still is a death camp. My mother never complained of pain.
My mother was given narcotics, sedatives, benzodiazepines, and antipsychotics round the clock. She was given a benzodiazepine that she was allergic to three times!! Drooped tothe floor by a CNA. I was never informed of this incident. My mother died 21 days after admission to the hospice. She died horrifically from dehydration, malnutrition and the deadly cocktail of drugs. She was euthanized.
Imagine how gut wrenching it was for me to watch my kind, trusting mother slowly being killed by stealth euthanasia. God will judge all who participate in the murder of the vulnerable.
This narrative tells how this affected everyone but the patient. I am supportive of assisted suicide because I was a nurse for 25 years and have seen how bad it can get. I don't agree with assisted suicide for any reason, but in terminal cases with a great amount of suffering I believe it should be available. If it makes others uncomfortable that is their issue.
I commend this nurse for speaking out about her experience. More medical staff should feel empowered to do so. I do not believe people should be in pain, but I do not believe that hastening their death is acceptable. To have a scheduled time when someone will come in and inject a person with lethal drugs is not humane. It is devastating to the person and family as she points out.
My Mother was under hospice care but she was not actively dying when hospice talked her into going into respite care for my Dad to receive rest. They immediately started drugging her with morphine, Ativan and Fentanyl until she was put into a coma and died from the toxic drugs, dehydration and starvation. We attempted to take her to the hospital, stop the drugging and were lied to until she died, not from a disease but from the drugs. It's been almost 6 years and I will never accept it or get over it. It has left scars that will never heal and I totally understand how the family felt in the nurses' story above. Traumatized by the inhumaneness of ending someone's life as if they didn't matter.
I am heartbroken by how people are treated. MAID is a slippery slope that can easily be used to eliminate people for so many reasons.
Tonia Howell said...
Thank-you to this nurse who so candidly shares the very disturbing effects on the many individuals who are aware of the decision to be killed. Pending permission to reprint, we plan to include this article in our newsletter to educate our supporters about the very real trauma resulting from 'choice'.
submitted :May 10, 2023
Many would be surprised when told that the concept of MAiD is so widely accepted in Canadian society, even by churches and (what is worse) by their pastors. About 5 years ago already, (BC = Before Covid) we stopped attending a fairly local church when it became public knowledge that its pastor had been a participant at the MAiD procedure of the husband of a lady in the congregation (who had not been a member himself). When some of the elders later first heard about it, and that the pastor had done this without the elders’ approval or knowledge, he admitted it and said that he would I again as it was legally allowed by the federal government. When he had read Psalm 23, it had all been so nice and peaceful … The astounded elders then asked the church members if this was ‘all above board’ according to our beliefs from Scripture, and eventually, some ‘understanding’ was reached that the pastor ought not to have done this and should not do this again. (In many other churches and church denominations, he would have been deposed or defrocked or whatever the term might be.) My wife and I were not the only ones who left worshiping there at that time, for that reason. (Anonymous)
Here's an actual study on bereavement and MAiD in Canada: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00302228221085191
"We found no statistically significant differences between medically assisted and natural deaths, and scores did not suggest grief complications."
Doubt people who browse this actually care about the facts, however.
Dead men tell no tales. It would also seem that the patient indeed suffered as a result of MAiD; how would you like to be killed in the middle of trying to express your last (unheard) sentiments? Besides, it clearly affected the patient in the hall, doesn't his suffering, caused by the murder of a fellow patient, deserve our consideration? What about the rest of us living with severe disabilities? Do you care about the suffering inflicted on us by the proliferation of our government's MAiD regime, the promotion of which we certainly didn't ask to live under?
Dougsned, They compared end of life deaths only, not the before end of life euthanasia deaths that have been mentioned by the nurses. "However, the data collected for this study exclusively concerns individuals who have lost a loved one at the end of one’s life." Note that, "The qualitative subsample was constructed by selecting a few interested participants."(https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/00302228221085191) People who are interested in taking part in a study on grief like this one have likely moved on already. Family and friend who have lost spouses through natural death took years to be able to get rid of partner's personal items and deal with matters that touched on the memories, so there may have been a bias in how participants were obtained that is not discussed. Also, this deals just with Quebec, not all of Canada, had a very small (primarily female) sample size that favoured MAiD, in a society that favours MAiD, and used 2 evaluation materials that have not been validated (credit to them for mentioning this).
Here's a meta-analysis of eight separate studies looking at other countries where MAID has been legal for a long time. Itshowing the same results:https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/10.1027/0227-5910/a000630
Post a Comment